Space Jews
Not Leonard Nimoy or William Shatner
of Star Trek fame
but the Cohens, Steins, and Goldbergs
who led the world Zionist congresses
and conspired also to control Hollywood
after 100 years colonizing Tralfamadore.
These must be the kikes Dave Chappelle
was referring to; his shtick is nothing new.
Just think of T.S. Eliot:
“The Jew is underneath the lot”
and Amiri Baraka:
“Who told 4000 Israeli workers at the Twin Towers to stay home”
Steven Spielberg should make a film with these poets
kissing each other’s cheeks
in flagrante delicto
but who would play them?
I’ll play my Jew card and call my friend Bleistein
in Hollywood and suggest
David Schwimmer for Baraka
and Sammy Davis Jr. for Eliot:
Let’s mix it up a bit.
I really don’t give a shit
what Sarah Silverman said about “Jewface,”
about non-Jews playing Jews.
because Sean Penn did a good Harvey Milk,
Al Pacino did a good Roy Cohn,
and Renée Zellweger did a good Sonia Horowitz.
On the other hand,
Millie Perkins as Anne Frank not so much.
Charlton Heston and Christian Bale as Moses
not so much.
Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan …
I don’t know what the fuck was going on.
Frankly.
You don’t have to be Jewish
to wear Jewish genes, but it helps
so said Gilda Radner.
But while I’ve got Bleistein on the line
I’ll propose another movie:
a no-holds-barred-drag-out fight
between Black and Jewish comics
Seinfelds and Pryors
that takes place on Moonbase Alpha
a rumble in the space jungle
refereed by Andy Kaufman
and Martin Landau in the guise
of Commander Koenig
with Don King playing himself.
Maybe there’ll be a cameo for Dave Chappelle
I’d cast him as Norman Mailer.
— Dan Grossman
See more of Dan’s work on his site indycorrespondent.org